He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
All the doctor said was why
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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