Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
