Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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