Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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