I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
