last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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