Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
