You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
this will be a night to untag.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
