there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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