M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize