I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
if only i could text you this smell
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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