I bet he comes in French.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Randomize
