this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Randomize
