I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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