look no pants
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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