Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
