Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
