I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
