Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
