is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
