So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
