We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize