Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
