my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
