She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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