she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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