It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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