Pappa wants mamma naked
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
