You really coming over, don't trick.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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