Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
