Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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