her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
