he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We are all done wearing pants today
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
