when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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