I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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