my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
