I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
