JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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