i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
