Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
