TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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