how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
