Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i drank out of a bidet.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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