im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
