Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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