margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
