I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
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just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
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I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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