I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
