I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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