Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
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I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
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just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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