2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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