I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Randomize
