He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He has the fingertips of a God
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