Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
