I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
