I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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