Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
