I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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