My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
