just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize