she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My liver just had a heart attack.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
