the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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