How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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