the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
