Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Holy sore nipples Batman
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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