im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
