In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
