It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
