do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
